What She Tried to Say Once...But it Wouldn't Come Out

When it came right down to it, she really just wanted to find her real voice.
When the noise stopped and she was finally alone, the following poured from her lips and echoed in her room, in the hollows of the darkness. She cried as she spoke not because of her wounded heart, but because the words caught on the back of her teeth so often and were always tardy, always leaving her muted when she so desperately needed them. Anger waved through her meloncholy because she felt so PC, so numbed, so incredibly passive, when inside, she climbed the walls with fury.

And in the peaceful quiet of the 12:30 am, she said aloud, but only to herself...

Despite age and experience
I was here first.
I am here, alone, despite your crowding.
Inside me,
Are all my thoughts of you.
Everything I hide, all I conceal,
Protects you from your rage, your pain.
If you knew how strong I am,
How you truly cannot wound,
A bit of you would die inside.
I don't want you to die. Live with me.
So I shelter you from yourself, from your fear.

And this burden I bear has no words, no sounds
For it is muted against so many trivial things.
We all want so badly to be loved, don't we?
We all want to be accepted,
So damn this futility,
This wretched loathing that brings the lash, the grit.

Be quiet. Be at peace.
You cannot reach me. I am inside.
I am deep underneath, buried beneath the barbs, your hate.
My own sanctuary I created,
My own nightmare in which I only seek solace,
From you.

So say "good night" and go.
Kick tires and scream into the black.
You cannot touch. You cannot feel.
Mourn only this shade, this image.
For it is all you have.

This nightmare was but only your dream.
So wake, say "good night,"
And go.