Take Two

All she wanted to do was tell him "I love you."

Instead, she woke up, rolled over and just breathed, the exhale falling into rhythm with his. She couldn't bring herself to wake him.

But it seemed a very important thing to say so early in the morning, with the sun waking and the air in the room filtered by blankets and curtains. The real day seemed so very far away from this place. Hard to believe she hadn't been here forever.

She threaded her arm through his and rested her head in between his shoulder and neck. He never moved.
She lightly tapped the skin of his arm three times.

It was all she could do.

And she meant it.

Sidebar #3 - What she doesn't talk about much

You see, she was 27 or 26 years-old when she found out they don't like her all that much. And honestly, it's not really her fault. I mean, she could tone down the holier-than-thou education and word pronunciation, but that's not really a problem. It's her face. It's offensive.

I think it has something to do with that screwed up frown-smile, the one that is reminiscent of her mother and the way she holds a pen.

Besides, your family doesn't have to like you, right?
Love you, maybe, but not like you.

That's how I get through it whenever I can hear how she looks over the phone. You see, she only really discusses it with me.

I can see her over the phone, eyes squinched and the wrinkles lining up between her nose - especially that one over her right eye. Damn, that one's permanent now. I can hear the way her mouth is curling up on itself, puckered into a squooshed, lippy "oh" and shoved to the right. When she's not doing this, with her eyes rolled up in exasperation, I know she's smoking a cig.
I can hear the lighter on my end. She's fooling nobody.

I think what hurts me the most though, is that I know she's trying to be brave and tough about it. She's refusing to cry and I'm terrified that she's not feeling it the way other people would. Has it gotten that far?

I really don't know.
All I know is that I think she's amazing.
And she'll never get that - no one will tell her except me and the boy.
How far will that get her, I wonder? Does she know how important that is?

She's got a great wit and while she's ranting, she's really being funny which is my automatic tell-tale sign that she's on defense. The only other time it's apparent is when she doesn't talk at all...those are the scary moments, the times when her mind just folds in, over, once...twice...three times.

It's not her fault they don't like her. I wish I could make that okay.
That's all she's really wanted.
Is for people to notice without her having to be a complete asshole or a prodigy.

I think it's time she try being an asshole, because the super-human goals just aren't getting her there.